At the dawn of 2018, I sat in a Denver coffee shop and scribbled a love letter to God about all He'd done in the past year.
In the final pages of a year-long journal, I wrote praise and thanks and questions and doubt. It ended with a single word--a constant theme God had been weaving in my heart and would continue throughout the next 365 days. Steadfast.
At the top of a page, I defined steadfast (with the help of my friends at Merriam-Webster) as "resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering." At the top of my heart, I defined it as "faithfulness." In the days since, steadfast has been a stable rock, a constant meeting place for myself and the Lord.
In the years before that day in Denver, before that love letter and the journal attached to it, I wrestled with God about whether the plans He had for me were good, whether He would really come through for me the way I'd seen Him show up in the lives of others. No way around it, I was a spiritual brat, and I've always had a knack for throwing pity parties. But my heartache was real, and I yearned for Him to soothe it.
On the first day of 2017 in a Chinese apartment, the Lord answered. The funny thing about God, though: He never answers quite like we want or expect. I wanted God to instantaneously heal me; instead He told me to write.
So I wrote. Every day, one way or another, I wrote to God on the pages of a striped, spiral-bound journal. I told Him about my hurt, my anger, my victories, my failures, my day-to-day life. Not because He didn't already know it all, but because the only way I could heal was to draw near to the Healer. In my handwritten words, in His quiet answers, in the months of roller coaster emotions, I can reread these pages and see God's faithfulness in my life like never before. The 2017 Danie sitting in China couldn't see what the 2018 Danie in Denver had learned.
In that final love letter, just like He had in the pages before it, God used my own handwriting to tell me the purpose of that year-long journey:
"Oh, Lord, what a year You've blessed me with. It's been full of adventures and highs and lows and unexpected twists and turns. From China to New Zealand to Phoenix to NYC and everywhere in between, You've been leading me to trust You more, to hear You better, to grasp Your plan of redemption and reconciliation more fully."
The journal started with heart-wrenching frustration over my feelings for Austin, haunting me even from the other side of the world. I didn't know then that God was planning to redeem our relationship that September, much less lead us to marriage the following year. The Lord wasn't pointing me toward the big picture; He was asking me to walk with Him day by day.
Simple obedience.
To clarify, God's promise to me (or anyone else, for that matter) wasn't marriage. That isn't His goal, and it shouldn't be ours. To steal words from myself, God wants us to trust Him more, hear Him better, and grasp His plan more fully. He promises to offer that to us.
"And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13
"Those who know Your name will put their trust in You; for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:10.
And, because that year of learning to walk closely with the Lord taught me how to hear His voice, I knew exactly what He was saying to me on a quiet lunch break this fall.
On a stone table in a beautiful courtyard, I felt the weight of a crossroads decision settle over me as I scribbled what I'd meant to be a quick prayer. This isn't where you're supposed to be. I stopped, considered my options, and shrugged it off. It didn't make sense to leave a job I'd just started. I must have misheard. A phone call with a friend confirmed just that: "Hang in there, you'll feel more comfortable with time."
Two months later, in that same courtyard, I felt the weight return. This isn't where you're supposed to be.
I knew it was Him. Like a parent's voice, it was firm. Like a best friend's voice, it was familiar. And just to be sure, I was reminded in that moment of another time God had been clear with me.
Before those lunch break revelations, before that journal God prompted me to write around the world, the Lord talked to me via a popcorn ceiling. Or, at least, I was staring at that popcorn ceiling through teary eyes when I heard Him.
You're going to write a book.
On one of those nights where I pleaded with the Lord to heal me of heartache, once again, He told me to write. Only a junior in college at the time, logic told me to write that book when I was older and more established. So I waited. As a senior in college, I was busy and needed to focus on starting my journalistic career. So I waited. Once employed, I was busier (and more exhausted) than I'd expected. So I waited.
God met me in the courtyard to tell me waiting was not what He'd called me to do. He told me to write. So I swallowed fear and doubt and lots of well-meaning advice to follow His call.
Let me go ahead and tell you, the Danie who sat in that Denver coffee shop at the start of this year did not see this in the cards. Nevertheless, God is faithful. His steadfastness has been evident over and over in more ways than I could count. And He's leading me toward a steadfast heart day by day.
And, on brand, that means writing. Writing what I know to be true--my own story. So today I'm taking a big leap into another year of steadfastness, of loyal and unwavering faithfulness, to share this with you. For the next 365 days ahead, my keyboard will be getting a lot more mileage as I work to make my dreams and goals become obedient to Christ's leading in my life. I have no doubt it'll be one heck of an adventure.
As for you, the person who's putting off an overwhelming decision or weighing their options or considering their next step, God won't always lead you toward what "makes sense." Sometimes it might seem a little ridiculous. Often the people around you just won't get it. But His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), and we can trust that He always wants what is good for His children (Matthew 10:29-31; Romans 8:28-29).
Trust that His preparation has been adequate. Trust that His plans are good. And even when we feel the weight of our own distrust, plead with God to help our unbelief. I can feel the anticipation of a new twist around the corner, and my heartbeat is picking up speed. He's given me a story for a reason, and I won't stop until I've run my race with steadfast endurance. I'd love to run that race alongside you.
So as we each step out into an exciting unknown, test your heart's faith a little further. As you plan resolutions for this new season, ask God how you can grow nearer to Him. Pray for guidance in the day-to-day so His promises seem more real to you, His faithfulness more true to you.
God speaks to us clearly--just listen and prepare your heart for the promise.
xoxo,
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