Why I’m leaving

I walked into this classroom in August with no idea that I’d be leaving it for good in May.

I fell in love with teaching during one of the most difficult school years in history. And I didn’t fall out of love with teaching the following year, this school year. I did, however, fall out of love with being a teacher in the U.S.

Teaching and being a teacher are sadly not synonymous, at least not in our country. I heard a fellow educator joke that teaching is about 15 percent of a teacher’s job, which I’d say isn’t too far off.

Just this week alone shows what is expected of American teachers. When an 18-year-old Texan walked into a school and killed 21 people, mostly elementary school students, people suggested teachers be armed.

The same teachers who are expected to live off of menial salaries. The same teachers who are expected to meet every student’s individual needs, academically and otherwise, in a class of 30 students. The same teachers who are expected to complete piles of paperwork proving they actually did their jobs when students fail to complete the necessary assignments to pass a class. The same teachers who are expected to “just teach academics” while also building relationships with students. The same teachers who are expected to handle student misbehavior on their own in the classroom without causing a distraction to student learning.

We don’t trust teachers to not “indoctrinate” children, but we think we’ll trust them with guns?

This is not at all a conversation geared toward gun reform or mass shootings (though I think that’s an extremely valid conversation to have). But I want to draw attention to the epidemic that is plaguing our education system.

I’ve become part of a statistic. Studies have found that nearly 50 percent of new teachers leave the classroom in their first five years; I’m walking away after two.

And while certain students might say it’s because of them (I promise, just like I promised them, it isn’t), and certain teachers or admin might say it’s because I and these other former teachers can’t handle the difficulties of being classroom teachers (say what you want, I guess), that isn’t the case. At the very least, it isn’t the full story.

Teachers are leaving classrooms in droves - yes, because student behavior is extremely difficult, especially with little to no outside-the-classroom support. Yes, because the demands are too demanding to complete during contract hours. Yes, because the pay is laughably low for the amount of time and money put into ongoing education and training. Yes, because of the lack of support and appreciation from the community, parents, etc. Yes, yes, yes, because of all those things.

But, overall, it’s because our country’s education system is deeply flawed and broken and ineffective.

I’ll be the first to say that I do not know everything. Two years as a public school teacher did not give me all the hindsight and insight and experience needed to comment on the depth of the education system’s flaws - though I will point out that my two years of experience is a heck of a lot more than that of most legislators who make decisions for public schools across the country, so…

What I do know is that some of the top performing education systems around the world are built off of American research that we do not follow ourselves.

We know that children of all ages need to be active and engaged throughout the day, but we still teach children who sit (mostly) silently in desks for 8 hours a day. (Lack of engagement leads to boredom and a host of behavioral issues.)

We know that smaller class sizes are most effective, but the average U.S. class consists of 25 students based on a 2017-2018 NCES study. (Overcrowded classrooms mean more behavioral issues and less individualized instruction.)

We know that student interest drives student success, but we still force all students to learn the exact same core subject standards. (Trying to teach grammar and formal writing to a student who knows darn well he’ll make close to six figures as a welder feels… inefficient at best.)

We know that standardized tests are an inaccurate measure of student knowledge, but we still base standards of both student and teacher success off standardized test scores. (“Teaching to the test” takes the focus off actual learning and places it on student regurgitation of memorized information. Not to mention, these tests are often inequitable for students of various backgrounds and socioeconomic statuses.)

Our nation’s education system isn’t broken because we don’t know how to fix it, but because elected officials (again, who often have little to no experience as educators) use our public schools as pawns in election cycles. We hear their vows to rid our states and nation of the evil Common Core, but that means nothing in terms of benefiting our students in the classroom.

We have all the tools and resources and knowledge available to actually benefit our schools and students, but we for some reason choose not to use them.

Instead, we as a country are quick to place blame on local teachers, administration, and school systems for failing our students in ways that are often beyond their control. While, yes, there are most definitely things teachers, school administration, and school systems can do to make the learning environment better for students and they should be held accountable to do so, they are also just players in a game that they have no final say in how it’s played.

I am not OK with that.

I cannot stand by and play along. I cannot look my students in the eyes and try to convince them that their learning is the education system’s top priority, that they are learning content that will be valuable to their lives, that they are being adequately prepared for “the real world” beyond the school’s walls. I can’t do it.

So that’s why I left today. I packed up my fun lights and book collection and notes/pictures drawn for me by my precious 10th graders, looked around my empty classroom, and walked out for the last time.

It was incredibly hard and relieving and thrilling and enraging.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

Teachers who love teaching and their students and their colleagues shouldn’t be walking away from the profession with broken hearts because one of the most wealthy, powerful countries in the world consistently fails its students. It just shouldn’t be this way.

So, a note for my students (and literally any other person reading this): remember this. I’m convinced it’s the only way we’ll make real change.

Do not be afraid to walk away from something when you know it isn’t right. Sometimes it’s time to stay and fight, but you have to know when it’s time to walk away, then actually follow that call. What started as an answered prayer can shift into a nightmare - it doesn’t mean you or God messed it up, just that we learn and grow as time passes. We are called to stand up and fight for justice, even if you have to do that from the outside looking in. Do not simply accept things for the way they are. It doesn’t have to be this way.